What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
