3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
