he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
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