Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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