Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
