hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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