im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
