Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
