I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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