Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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