i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
