Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize