I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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