He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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