how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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