FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
