no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
