i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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