gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
