you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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