At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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