I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
