i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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