Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
