Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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