I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
