I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
