I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
