Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
this beer tastes like vomit already
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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