Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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