when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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