This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
