My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
