HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
