I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
