What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
