hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
