Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
