Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
