Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Im just a social blackout drinker.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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