Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
