the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Who died my cat blue again?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize