So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
