So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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