I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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