If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
