So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
