It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
