She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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