He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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