we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's shark week go big or go home
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
