What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
a search helicopter?!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
