she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
