I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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