theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
