My Higher Power is John Stamos
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
