i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
