New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
