I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize