Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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