Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
