I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
