operation harelip BJ is a go
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize