It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize