I look better un-naked...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
