11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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