I wanna passion pit in your ass
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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