Christians are straight up FREAKS
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
