I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Found your dick twin last night
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
