Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
